(no subject)

[adoxography]

II. i'm really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. please kill me, my life will never get better than this.

Sack it and bring it all back with you.

It's basically the stoners holy grail.

that requires effort. i'm getting buried under all this candy. i can't eat it fast enough.

If you don't I'll disown you.

And then you'll have nothing but your candy.

SCRATCH THAT.

Stop eating you whore and bring some back.

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL BROTHER!

CANDY WHORE.

I DIDN'T FUCK ANYONE FOR THIS CANDY!

NO I MEANT LIKE--

NEVER MIND--

fucking I am too high why wont you just bring me a snickers you asshole

i'm getting crushed under a pile of unending candy that's why.

i don't believe you

you're like the scrooge mcduck of candy

i wish i could swim in candy.

we have money, why isn't this a thing we've done

tj we've wasted our whole lives till now

i never wanted anything more than this.

ok lets do it

iim gonna drain the pool

someone's coming to kill me. i'll ask him to help me carry the candy home instead.

ok good

because that's basically my job

don't let him have too much candy tho

you're a greedy jerk.

yeah so

basically both you and the candy are mine so like you should be appreciative or something

im draining this pool for you. all you have to do is eat candy.

uh EXCUSE YOU?

i dont see what part of that you're unsure about

me and the candy i'm working so hard to get are mine, kay thanks.

but no because

and also im draining the pool

but yes cause i'm about to suck some guy's dick to get him to help me carry it back.

you say that like you mind

that's basically ur tuesday

he's a stranger... stranger than usual.

do i need to come get you?

no
stay and empty the pool

right so clearly this is not a problem

didn't say it was. i'm doing more work.

right but you love me so you're going to share anyway

what gave you that idea?

basically you're rude

are you saying im wrong?

as i said before: you're not my real brother.

right its like you're trying to hurt my feelings or smthn

fine im filling the pool back up

then i'm not bringing you a single snickers

its like you have no soul

pot, i'd like you to meet my friend kettle.

rite but im an asshole

also now who's greedy

hint: you

you are totally killing my buzz. do you want this candy or not?

YES

the pool is almost empty

then stop being an ass or i swear i will eat everything here just to spite you.

bully

but i'd like to see youuu try it

YOU're the bully.
and you want me to get fat. you're awful.

come on home squirrel cheeks

i'm never sharing my coke with you again.

w o w now you are basically getting out of hand

you deserve this

the opposite of that is true

basically you're becoming some sort of assholeasarus and i dont like it, only one of us needs to be an asshole ok

only one of us is hauling candy back and sucking strange dick. i'm doing most of the work i get to have the attitude.

first. dont act like dick is a chore for you. second. im draining the pool which is way less fun than candy and dick. third. i basically saved your life, because that guy was gonna kill you and now you're coming home to me. i'm like a hero.

you're an asshole. i hope i get herpes so i can kiss you on the mouth and give it to you too

(no subject)

[adoxography]

(618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

I was sleeping.

Don't set your face on fire.

Are you setting your face on fire?

no why would

maybe

really this is no less than you deserve for leaving me alone

You are literally a single floor away from me.

Keep Chelsea going, remove anything smoldering from the cheap plastic thing attached to your face, I'll be there in a minute. And you're a brat.

basically yeah

at least i tired to entertain myself, and also i didnt set you on fire

i did two good things today, don't i get credit for that???

I didn't tase you today or burn all those tacky graphic tees you own, I think that makes us even.

wow they are not tacky

they are expensive

(no subject)

[adoxography]

c; I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

but is it working?

No they remain suspicious. I don't know why.

maybe you need bread

soak bread in it they 'll love you

.... I totally should have gotten bread.

Do you think they'll settle for whiskey soaked crackers?

basically you need to find out

for science

They better not leave before I can get the crackers I'm not fucking around with geese

they kind of are assholes. basically i wouldn't trust them, you should hurry

If I hurry I'm gonna kiss the ground with my whole face.

Hopefully these ducks aren't picky

think about the ducks man

I'm totally thinking about the ducks. they need boozy crackers

for science

good.

you're a champion of men

okay so now I'm sitting here soaking crackers on my hand

on a scale of 1 to a stephen king novel how crazy do you think I look

don't worry about it, i don't think ducks know crazy

i think they do. or they don't like whiskey crackers

w o w

they sound like inconsiderate assholes tbh, keep the crackers

oh no the chicks are pecking at them, its attracting more of the little ones. are they called chicks? chicks doesn't sound right.

is this considered underage drinking??

idk, maybe? chicks sounds better than duckettes.

totally you're gonna go to jail man

(no subject)

[adoxography]

She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!

its like you dont even know what sex is

But I love that cape

you should go fuck her and then take it back

That's actually not a bad idea

i am p. smart if i do say so myself

Okay so she's officially crazy. Still don't have my cape.

what how did you fail at that

Uh... It started out pretty normal but then it got too freaky even for my taste way too fast. I got out of there. The cape is gone.

if you're too scared to fight a girl for it you haven't earned it

you brought dishonor on your cape man

SHE BROUGHT OUT A SUSPENSION THING WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Also c'mon I know plenty of women who would kick your ass just for thinking that

get in it and swing!!!!

yeah well i might like it so it's counterproductive

You want her address??

no because my cape is safe at home with me

unlike yours

Low blow, dude

the truth hurts

(no subject)

[adoxography]

at mcdonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of mcflurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

WELL HE DID.

yeah but i don't know if the pouring it on him was necessary

i'm all for excess but that was a tragic waste of mcflurry

it was, he basically dishonored us and our families with that bullshit

also it was fun to watch him make another one with the cup still on his head

i can't say i disagree

it was like the saddest birthday party in the world




also i've been informed we've been banned from that mcdonalds

what

no fuck those guys

we should just buy the mcdonalds and then ban them

i like the way you think let's do it

this is why you're my favorite

aw i'm flattered



who were you again do you work for me or something

alcohol is one hell of a thing

no i just stole some stuff from your office once for fun

sorry about that

not really

well at least you're upfront about it i guess


wait what why

you have cool stuff, take it as a complement

well

i can't really deny that, i have the COOLEST stuff

at least tell me you took something good so i know what to replace

of course i did, do i sound like an amateur to you?

but no seriously i cant tell you because i wanna see how long it takes you to figure it out

that sounds like a challenge

i never back down from a challenge

let's make this spicy though hmm if i figure it out

you give it back and have to work at that newly purchased mcdonalds for a week

making mcflurries

i can't decide whether or not you should have a cup on your head

if it was me i'd make you wear a cup on your head. just sayin

no but what do i get if i win

also lol work